Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
