Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
