so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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