i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
