the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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