New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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