I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
