I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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