a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
