I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
