Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
