How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
