u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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