Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
