Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
