Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
false alarm, still single
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
