just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
