My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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