Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
