Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
