how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
