Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
