They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
NoShamevember. You game?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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