im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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