3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
