Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
