i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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