She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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