so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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