honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
