He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
