you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
