I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
