Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
