Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
