He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
