YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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