my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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