My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
