I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
