Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
