are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
