idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
