i jhust puked up my retainher.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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