Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize