Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have peed in a lot of sinks
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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