where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
