Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
