Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
