My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
