Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
