Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
