I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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