Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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