its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
