And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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