I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
