my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
