garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
