I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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