I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
