ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
