Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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