My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
