she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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