I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize