i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
