i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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