if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
