when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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