So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
