Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
