It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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