I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
